04: Is your communication style costing you?

It’s frighting that so many people who are promoted into leadership positions don’t have the communication skills to match their positions. Not being able to communicate assertively creates all kinds of issues for you in your career and personal life.

Recently I experienced firsthand a situation where a miscommunication of information by a manager resulted in an unpleasant experience for both of us and I realised that I could have handled the situation more assertively and should brush up on my communication skills.

So, in the next episodes I invite you to join me on a journey to learn all about assertive communication, the tools and tricks you can use to always be in control and never again look back at a situation and think about what you could have done differently.

Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources for women leaders at https://womenleadersunlimited.com/04-is-your-communication-style-costing-you-a-promotion-or-pay-raise/ 

Juanita is a Transformational Coach for Women Leaders.
She helps women executives in male dominated fields overcome imposter syndrome, gain recognition and claim their space as a true business partner.

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Transcript

Is your communication style costing you a pay raise or a promotion?

It’s frighting that so many people who are promoted into leadership positions don’t have the communication skills to match their positions. Not being able to communicate assertively creates all kinds of issues for you in your career and personal life.

Recently I experienced firsthand a situation where a miscommunication of information by a manager resulted in an unpleasant experience for both of us and I realised that I could have handled the situation more assertively and should brush up on my communication skills.

So, in the next episodes I invite you to join me on a journey to learn all about assertive communication, the tools and tricks you can use to always be in control and never again look back at a situation and think about what you could have done differently.

Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources for women leaders at womenleadersunlimited.com/4.

Understanding Communication Styles

Your communication style refers to the way in which you express yourself and interact with others. It includes verbal and non-verbal cues, as well as your listening skills and how you respond to others. You will discover how understanding your own communication style can have a profound impact on your relationships, both personal and professional.

In today's episode, we will explore the four basic communication styles:

Passive, Passive-aggressive, Aggressive and Assertive.

It’s likely that you use all four styles depending on the situation you’re in, the people you’re with and your emotions at that time. However, you will tend to use one of the styles much more than the others.

WHICH OF THE FOUR COMMUNICATION STYLES DESCRIBE YOU?

# 1 If passive communication is your style - 

·         You tend to avoid conflict and may have difficulty expressing your own needs and desires.

·         You often prioritize maintaining harmony over asserting your opinions.

·         You don’t express your feelings or opinions for fear it will attract criticism.

·         You wait for others to express their ideas first, then you agree with them. 

·         You never disagree with people, even if you secretly want to.

This is not a good style as it will leave you ignored, because you’re not conveying your messages with enough strength and conviction, or your messages don’t reach the other person at all. 

What this means is that for example during a business meeting if you don’t share your ideas or opinions with strength and conviction because you’re afraid of what other people might think, others in the room will disregard what you say.

Your ideas won’t get noticed. Your opinions won’t influence the decision-making process. Your suggestions won’t get acted upon. Basically, you’re not participating in the overall communication, and you might as well not be in that meeting.

# 2 If aggressive communication is your style - 

·         You tend to dominate conversations, often disregarding the perspectives of others.

·         You may resort to verbal aggression or manipulation to achieve your goals. 

·         You often interrupt people and don’t listen to their opinions of views. 

·         You raise the volume of your voice in an attempt to lower theirs. 

·         You try to control others and order them to do what you want. 

·         You use expansive body language to intimidate others.

This is not a good style as it will leave you isolated, because it pushes people away and they won’t want to listen to your ideas or work with you. For example, in a meeting if you communicate your ideas aggressively and give no regard to the ideas of others, people will begin to resent you. They might stop inviting you to meetings. 

You will be isolated to the extent that there will be no one around to listen to you. And considering that we all operate in groups with your team members, suppliers, investors, and clients, you need to be included in the group for your ideas to be heard and to matter. 

# 3 If passive-aggressive communication is your style – 

·         You may appear cooperative on the surface but subtly express your dissatisfaction through sarcasm, subtle jabs, or other indirect means.

·         You never confront people directly, instead you use indirect strategies. You go along with the suggestions of others, but later complain about it. You appear to cooperate, but secretly do things to annoy, disrupt or sabotage.

·         You use sarcasm instead of directly confronting people. You cannot acknowledge your anger and often deny problems.

This is not a good style as it will leave you mistrusted, because your communication is so indirect and sarcastic, the other person will not be able to establish any consistency or trust with you. 

You get your message across in such a way that the other person is not going to believe you or trust the information you’ve given.

If they don’t trust the information, you give them, they certainly won’t consider it important or use it to make a decision.

If you express during a meeting that you agree with what is being discussed and then afterwards you tell a colleague that the other people in the meeting made a bad decision, you will look inconsistent and unpredictable. 

This will become your reputation and in future conversations other people won’t be able to trust you and it is unlikely that your colleagues will include you in serious discussions and they will hold back from giving you information that is relevant and valuable.

# 4 If assertive communication is your style – 

·         You’re confident in expressing your thoughts and feelings while respecting the perspectives of others. 

·         You are clear and direct in your communication, allowing for effective negotiation and conflict resolution. 

·         You can tell people what you want, clearly, directly and politely. 

·         You openly offer your opinions and ideas, even before others have done so.

·         You aren’t fearful of confrontation or conflict. 

·         You are relaxed around others, and during conflict. 

·         You aren’t afraid of others disapproval. 

·         You understand others are entitled to their views and opinions.

DISCOVERING YOUR COMMUNICATION STYLE

Now that you understand the four communication styles, how can you discover our own? 

Self-reflection is one way. Consider your typical patterns of communication in various situations. Are you more inclined to assert your opinions, or do you tend to avoid confrontation? Do you often find yourself resorting to passive-aggressive behaviour?

Another way is to ask for feedback from people in your lifethat you trust to give their honest opinions about your communication style and how it affects your relationships. Reflect on their insights and evaluate whether it matches your self-perception.

Assertive communication doesn’t happen overnight. It is a skill that will take time to master.  

By recognizing and embracing your style, you can become more aware of your strengths and areas for improvement.

Understanding your communication style is a continuous journey of self-discovery. A good coach is the perfect person to help you on this journey.

Thank you for tuning in to "Women Leaders Unlimited" today. I hope you found this episode insightful and valuable. 

Remember: You are powerful and unstoppable and it’s time for you to show it! 

Choose to be the best version of yourself today!

It’s all up to you!