05: How to conquer limiting beliefs that stop you from speaking assertively

In the previous episode we looked at communication styles and how important it is for you to be an assertive communicator. 

Limiting beliefs are the fears that stop you from speaking up in meetings, not standing up for yourself and it can lead to people not seeing how intelligent and creative you are and people taking advantage of you. 

One of my mentor coaches said:

First you make your beliefs and then your beliefs make you.

It’s human to have fears and limiting beliefs – I have them, your boss has them and all the people sitting around you do too. What’s most important is that you’re conscious of them and to what extent you’re aware of how they show up in your life.

The moment you have that powerful awareness, nobody and nothing is going to stop you from speaking up in a professional and assertive way.

Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources for women leaders at https://womenleadersunlimited.com/05-how-to-conquer-limiting-beliefs-that-stop-you-from-speaking-assertively/ 

Juanita is a Transformational Coach for Women Leaders.
She helps women executives in male dominated fields overcome imposter syndrome, gain recognition and claim their space as a true business partner.

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Transcript

HOW TO CONQUER LIMITING BELIEFS THAT STOP YOU FROM SPEAKING ASSERTIVELY

In the previous episode we looked at communication styles and how important it is for you to be an assertive communicator. 

Limiting beliefs are the fears that stop you from speaking up in meetings, not standing up for yourself and it can lead to people not seeing how intelligent and creative you are and people taking advantage of you. 

One of my mentor coaches said:

First you make your beliefs and then your beliefs make you.

It’s human to have fears and limiting beliefs – I have them, your boss has them and all the people sitting around you do too. What’s most important is that you’re conscious of them and to what extent you’re aware of how they show up in your life.

The moment you have that powerful awareness, nobody and nothing is going to stop you from speaking up in a professional and assertive way.

Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources for women leaders at womenleadersunlimited.com/5.

Limiting beliefs are those self-imposed boundaries that hinder us from achieving our true potential. When it comes to speaking assertively, these beliefs often stem from a fear of rejection, failure, judgment, or confrontation. We develop these beliefs over time because of past experiences or social conditioning. 

Let’s look at the three most common fears that you might have and what you can do about it. 

#1 What if you say the wrong thing? 

You belief that if you say the wrong thing, people will laugh at you, people will judge you, and you will look silly. What happens when you have this belief?  You don’t speak up in meetings, you don’t share your opinions and feelings, and you stay quiet. What happens then, is that people don’t see how intelligent, creative and interesting you are. Others get chosen for promotions and get credit instead of you.

There are a few things that you can do to help you overcome your fear of saying the wrong thing.:

·         Make sure you know your content. When you know a lot about the topic that’s going to be discussed, you will feel a lot more confident talking about it. Do research on the topic or go for additional training if you must.

·         Prepare questions and comments in advance, especially if you’re starting out. You need to know what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. When you go into a meeting well prepared, you don’t have to think about what to say on the spot.

·         Then write down your greatest fear: “What is the worst that can happen if you share your opinion or idea?” This is important as it will help you to take the sting out of it, bring it out in the open and maybe it won’t seem so bad.

·         Give that fear a rating. On a scale of one to five, how likely is that fear going to happen? This will help you realise, it’s not as bad as you think.

 #2 What if you’re being challenged? 

It is normal to be fearful of speaking up to people who are in a powerful position, have more experience than you or if you feel you are overmatched. You fear that you’re not being able to match their level of strength in a debate or an argument.

You must remember that even the most powerful and confident person started as a beginner, and it took time to get where they are now.

You will not be able to jump from passive to assertive overnight.

Here’s what you can do when you fear that somebody will challenge you when you start to become more assertive:

·         Use assertive communication with people who are the easiest for you to be assertive with. Assertive communication is not always the best approach in all situations.

·         Gradually build up the level of difficultly until you get more confident. Choose people you know you can handle and work your way up to people who are more assertive or aggressive kind of communicators.

·         Understand that everybody has their own opinion, and they are entitled to disagree with you if they want, so be respectful of their point of view.  It’s okay if they don’t agree with you.

#3 What if you offend or hurt someone? 

This fear usually comes up when you want to say “no” to somebody.

Your first worry is that you’re going to offend that person and that it will damage your relationship.

This is normal, but if you want to be more assertive with your communication and take control of your life, you must learn how to set boundaries and you cannot let your fear of offending somebody stop you to say “no” when you want to.

If you don’t, you essentially put that person first and yourself second, you come across as a people pleaser and people take advantage of you.

Here are some strategies that can help you to say “No”:

·         Remember it will never be a pleasant experience, but it is necessary if you want to become confident and assertive in life.

·         Think how you want to be seen by others, as a people pleaser or a confident person?

·          Write down your list of boundaries, what you would do or won’t do for someone and why. This will help the boundaries be clearer in your mind.

·         Take small steps, it’s takes time to build confidence. If you feel guilty after saying “no” and become passive again, that’s OK. Next time you’ll re-establish your boundaries.

It is critical to understand what is holding you back before you can move forward. 

When I work with my coaching clients, we identify situations where they are fearful to speak up, work through the fears that are holding them back and devise strategies that help them step out of their fear and be assertive, no matter the consequences.

Thank you for tuning in to "Women Leaders Unlimited" today. I hope you found this episode insightful and valuable. 

Remember: You are powerful and unstoppable and it’s time for you to show it! 

Choose to be the best version of yourself today!

It’s all up to you!