20: Practical Strategies for dealing with Button Pushers in your Life

This week it happened again. There is someone in my professional world who just loves to push my buttons. Fortunately I know exactly a few strategies that help me to deal with it.

I’m sure that you also have those people in your life. 

In today's episode, I dive deep into a topic that resonates with many of us: Dealing with Button Pushers in Your Life.  Whether it's in your personal life or professional settings, encountering people who seem to have a knack for triggering you is inevitable. 

But how you respond to these situations can significantly impact your leadership journey and overall well-being.

Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources for women leaders at womenleadersunlimited.com/20.

Juanita is a Transformational Coach for Women Leaders.
She helps women executives in male dominated fields overcome imposter syndrome, gain recognition and claim their space as a true business partner.

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Transcript

Understanding the Types of Button-Pushers

First, let's explore the types of people who might be pushing your buttons. Spotting these personalities can empower you to handle interactions more gracefully.

The Victims

Victims often feel that bad things happen to them constantly, and they are powerless to change their circumstances. Dealing with a victim requires patience and encouragement, steering them towards solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

The Blamers

Nothing is ever their fault. Blamers externalize errors and faults, often at the expense of others. With blamers, it's crucial to set boundaries and not accept responsibility for issues outside your control.

The Opinionated

Stuck in their ways, the opinionated are not open to discussion or new ideas. Engaging with them means choosing your battles wisely and presenting facts in a non-confrontational manner.

The Passive-Aggressive Communicators

They are the sneaky ones – they avoid direct confrontation but express their dissatisfaction through sarcasm and indirect actions. Clear and assertive communication is key to dealing with passive-aggressive behavior.

Check out episode 4 for more on communication styles that can advance your leadership. Here is the link - https://womenleadersunlimited.com/04-is-your-communication-style-costing-you-a-promotion-or-pay-raise/

Recognizing Your Triggers

Understanding your triggers is half the battle won. By identifying the people and situations that prompt impulsive reactions, you can begin to develop strategies to manage these triggers effectively.

 Strategies for Managing Your Reactions

Building emotional intelligence and learning to pause before reacting can drastically improve how you handle being triggered. 

Imagine you're in a meeting, and a colleague interrupts you, pushing your buttons as they often do. Instead of reacting impulsively, take a deep breath and count to three. This moment of pause gives you a chance to collect your thoughts and emotions. 

Then, respond with, "I understand your point, but let's discuss one idea at a time to ensure everyone's contributions are valued." This approach not only keeps the conversation on track but also demonstrates your composure and ability to handle challenging situations constructively. 

It's about acknowledging the trigger without letting it dictate your response, turning a potentially tense situation into an opportunity for respectful dialogue.

Building Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships, both personally and professionally. It’s important to establish and enforce boundaries that respect both your needs and those of others.

Let's say you have a friend who consistently calls you during your quiet, reflective time in the evenings, and it's starting to drain your energy. In this case, setting a boundary is key. You might say to them, "I value our chats, but I really need the evenings to unwind and reflect on my day. Can we schedule our calls during the weekend or another time that works for both of us?" 

This way, you're not just stating your need for personal space; you're also inviting them to share what works for them, respecting both your needs and theirs. 

It's about finding that sweet spot where you're taking care of yourself without disregarding the needs of others and communicating it in a way that's clear and kind.

Effective Communication Techniques

Improving how you communicate can transform challenging interactions into opportunities for growth. Learn about active listening, empathy, and providing feedback in a way that fosters understanding rather than conflict.

You're having a conversation with a team member who's upset about not being assigned to lead a project. Instead of immediately offering solutions or defending the decision, you employ active listening.

You nod, maintain eye contact, and perhaps say, "I hear that you're really passionate about leading projects and feel overlooked. Is that right?" This shows empathy and validates their feelings without jumping to conclusions. 

Then, when it's time to provide feedback, you might add, "I understand where you're coming from. Let's explore together how we can develop your skills for future leadership opportunities." 

This approach opens a dialogue that focuses on growth and understanding, turning a potentially adversarial conversation into a constructive one. It's all about listening to understand, not to respond, and guiding the conversation towards positive outcomes.

The Power of Letting Go

Some battles are not worth fighting. Recognizing what you can and cannot control helps in letting go of unnecessary emotional baggage, leading to a more focused and positive mindset.

Imagine you've been working tirelessly on a project, pouring your heart and soul into every detail, only for the launch to be delayed due to factors beyond your control, like unforeseen technical issues or a decision from higher up. 

It's natural to feel frustrated, but here's where the power of distinguishing between what you can and cannot control comes into play. Instead of dwelling on the delay and letting it sour your mood, shift your focus to preparing for the eventual launch, refining the project further, or even using the extra time to start on another task. 

By concentrating on actions within your grasp, you're not only letting go of stress caused by external factors but also channeling your energy into productive pursuits, paving the way for a more focused and positive mindset. 

Remember, it's not the situation that defines your experience, but how you choose to respond to it.

Encouraging Positive Interactions

Creating an environment of openness and respect starts with you. 

As a leader, you need to understand the importance of leading by example and encouraging positive interactions within your scope of influence.

Imagine you're leading a team meeting, and you notice the conversation starting to veer into negativity, with team members pointing fingers over a missed deadline. Here's where you have a golden opportunity to lead by example. 

Instead of joining in the blame game, you steer the conversation towards solutions, saying something like, "Let's focus on how we can collectively address this challenge and prevent similar issues in the future."

By doing this, you're not only shifting the energy of the meeting from negative to positive, but you're also setting a powerful example of constructive leadership. This approach encourages your team to follow suit, fostering an environment where positive interactions are the norm, and challenges are viewed as opportunities for growth and collaboration. 

Remember, the tone you set can ripple through your team, influencing attitudes and behaviors far beyond that meeting room.

As we wrap up today's episode, remember that dealing with difficult personalities is a part of life. However, by understanding your triggers, practicing emotional intelligence, and communicating effectively, you can navigate these challenges with grace and resilience.