10: Assertive Leader or Bully Boss. Which one are you?

Did you know that 33% of all workplace bullies in the USA are female, and even more noteworthy, women bullied women in 65% of cases. This is according to a 2021 Workplace Bullying Survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute U.S. 

Another study found that a female boss is more likely to wreck a woman’s promotion prospects in male dominated environments. The psychologists speculate that women who manage to break the glass ceiling and become managers may not want competition from other women and may want to blend in as much as possible with their male counterparts.

Today, I want to explore the thin line between being an assertive leader and crossing over into the territory of a bully boss.

Find the full episode on your favorite podcast app for Women Leaders Unlimited or here with other resources for women leaders:

 https://womenleadersunlimited.com/episode-10-assertive-leader-or-bully-boss-which-one-are-you/

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Transcript

Defining Assertive Leadership

Before we explore the thin line between assertive leadership and bullying, let's establish a clear understanding of assertive leadership. Assertive leaders effectively communicate their thoughts, needs, and expectations while respecting the opinions and rights of others. It's about striking a balance between being firm and fair.

Recognizing Bully Behavior

Now, let's shift our focus to recognizing bully behaviour in the workplace. Bullying can manifest in various forms, from verbal intimidation to undermining colleagues. It's crucial to be aware of these signs to ensure a healthy work environment.

Some characteristics of bullying leadership tactics include:

1. Humiliation:

   - Bully behaviour often involves public humiliation or embarrassment of team members.

   - This can manifest through derogatory remarks, belittling comments, or public shaming.

Imagine a team meeting where a manager publicly ridicules a team member for a mistake, making sarcastic comments about their competence. This not only damages the individual's self-esteem but also sets a tone of fear within the team.

2. Manipulation:

   - Bullies tend to manipulate situations to their advantage, using tactics like spreading rumours, withholding information, or playing mind games.

   - This creates an atmosphere of mistrust and anxiety within the team.

A supervisor spreading false information about a team member to undermine their credibility can be a form of manipulation. This creates a toxic atmosphere where trust erodes, and team collaboration becomes challenging.

3. Constant Criticism:

   - Bully bosses are often characterized by their constant criticism, which goes beyond constructive feedback.

   - Team members may feel demoralized, and their confidence can be significantly impacted.

A leader who consistently criticizes a team member's work without offering constructive feedback can create a culture of fear. Team members may become hesitant to share ideas, hindering innovation and creativity.

The Thin Line

It's important to consider intent, impact, and perception. Let's explore some scenarios to understand how well-intentioned assertiveness can be misconstrued, leading to unintended consequences.

Key Differences - Assertive Leaders vs. Bully Bosses

Now, let's delve into the key differences between being an assertive leader and a bully boss. Assertive leaders inspire confidence, foster collaboration, and maintain open communication. On the other hand, bully bosses create fear, undermine trust, and damage team dynamics. 

Understanding these distinctions is crucial for fostering a positive and productive workplace.

1. Confidence vs. Arrogance:

   - Assertive leaders exude confidence while acknowledging the strengths of their team.

   - Bully bosses often display arrogance, belittling others to elevate themselves.

2. Constructive Feedback vs. Demeaning Criticism:

- Assertive leaders provide constructive feedback aimed at personal and professional growth.

   - Bully bosses offer demeaning criticism, focusing on tearing down rather than building up.

3. Empowerment vs. Control:

   - Assertive leaders empower their team, fostering a sense of autonomy and trust.

   - Bully bosses seek control, creating an environment of fear and dependency.

4. Open Communication vs. Intimidation:

   - Assertive leaders encourage open communication and dialogue.

   - Bully bosses use intimidation tactics, stifling honest communication within the team.

Now, let's explore scenarios where assertive leadership might be misinterpreted as bullying. It's crucial to recognize the nuances in these situations to prevent misunderstandings within the team.

1. Setting High Expectations

   - An assertive leader may set high expectations for their team, challenging them to achieve more.

   - However, if not communicated effectively, this can be perceived as unrealistic demands, leading to stress and frustration.

An assertive leader challenging their team to meet ambitious goals might be misinterpreted if the rationale behind these goals is not communicated clearly. This can create unnecessary stress and tension.

2. Direct Communication:

   - Assertive leaders often communicate directly, addressing issues head-on.

   - In certain situations, this directness might be misunderstood as aggression, especially if team members are not accustomed to such communication styles.

A manager providing direct feedback on a project might be perceived as harsh if the emphasis on improvement and growth is not clearly communicated. Context is key in avoiding misunderstandings.

3. Decisiveness:

   - Assertive leaders make decisions confidently and decisively.

   - If not explained transparently, this can be misconstrued as authoritarian behaviour, causing team members to feel excluded from the decision-making process.

An assertive leader making swift decisions may unintentionally alienate team members who prefer a more collaborative approach. It's important to balance decisiveness with inclusivity.

Impact on Individuals and Teams

It's crucial to delve into the profound psychological and emotional impact that leadership styles can have on individuals and teams. Whether it's assertive leadership or bullying, the effects ripple through the workplace in ways that significantly shape the overall work culture.

1. Psychological Impact of Assertive Leadership:

   - Assertive leadership fosters a positive psychological environment, promoting a sense of empowerment and autonomy among team members.

   - Team members under assertive leadership often experience increased motivation, confidence, and a sense of purpose in their work.

Imagine a team where the leader consistently provides constructive feedback, acknowledges individual contributions, and encourages collaboration. In this scenario, team members are likely to feel psychologically safe, leading to enhanced creativity and productivity.

2. Psychological Impact of Bullying:

   - Bullying in the workplace can have severe psychological consequences, including increased stress, anxiety, and a decline in mental well-being.

   - Individuals subjected to bullying often experience a loss of self-esteem and confidence, impacting their ability to perform optimally.

Picture a scenario where a team member is consistently humiliated or undermined by a manager. This constant emotional distress can lead to feelings of inadequacy and may even result in physical health issues.

3. Emotional Impact of Assertive Leadership:

   - Emotionally, assertive leaders create a supportive atmosphere where team members feel heard and valued.

   - This style of leadership encourages emotional intelligence, helping individuals navigate challenges and build strong interpersonal connections.

A leader who expresses empathy and understanding during team discussions can contribute to a positive emotional climate. This can lead to a workplace where team members feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions openly.

4. Emotional Impact of Bullying:

   - Emotionally, bullying erodes trust and creates a toxic environment that hampers collaboration and teamwork.

   - Team members may experience heightened levels of fear, frustration, and a sense of powerlessness in the face of a bullying leader.

An environment where team members are afraid to voice their opinions due to a history of harsh criticism or manipulation illustrates the emotional toll of bullying. This fear can stifle creativity and hinder overall team performance.

Practical Tips to Avoid Being a Bully Boss

Moving on to the practical part - how can you avoid crossing the line and ensure you lead with assertiveness rather than bullying? Here are some actionable tips for you:

1. Self-reflection:

   - Regularly reflect on your communication and leadership style.

   - Ask yourself how your actions might be perceived by others.

2. Emotional Intelligence:

   - Develop emotional intelligence to understand and manage your own emotions and those of your team members.

   - Foster empathy to build strong relationships.

3. Clear Communication:

   - Emphasize the importance of clear and transparent communication.

   - Provide constructive feedback rather than criticism.

4. Feedback Culture:

   - Establish a positive feedback culture within the team.

   - Encourage open dialogue where team members feel comfortable expressing their   

      concerns.

5. Conflict Resolution:

   - Equip yourself with conflict resolution skills.

   - Address issues promptly and constructively.

6. Invest in Leadership Development:

   - Improve your leadership skills by enrolling in ongoing leadership development programs.

Thank you for joining me in this exploration of assertive leadership and bullying in the workplace. Remember, it's about finding that delicate balance, being mindful of your actions, and creating a workplace where everyone can thrive.

I hope you found this episode insightful and valuable. Please share it with your fellow women leaders who might benefit from these insights. 

Remember: You are powerful and unstoppable and it’s time for you to show it! 

Choose to be the best version of yourself today!

It’s all up to you!