16: Your life will grow exponentially when you increase your ability to have uncomfortable conversations

Your life will grow exponentially when you increase your ability to have uncomfortable conversations. This is a truth that I’ve learned from one of my mentors and today I want to dive deep into a subject close to many of our hearts: dealing with people in our lives—be it in close relationships or at work—who drain our energy. Have you ever found yourself asking, "What do I do with these energy drainers?" Why do I even allow these energy drainers into my space? 

These are questions that challenge the very foundation of our interactions. 

Why don't you set up your life so that you have a choice in who you surround yourself with? Life is too short to spend it in the company of those who leave you feeling depleted.

Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources for women leaders at womenleadersunlimited.com/16.

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Transcript

Your life will grow exponentially when you increase your ability to have uncomfortable conversations.

Taking Control:

There comes a point where you might need to physically remove these people from your life. It sounds harsh, but the reality is, why should you have anyone in your world who drains you? If you're in a job or a situation that isn't serving you, remember, you have the power to change it. It's all about bringing control back into your life.

Imagine you're constantly feeling drained, and you've identified that it's because of certain people around you or maybe a job that just doesn't feel right anymore. 

Now, think of it this way: why keep anything in your life that pulls you down instead of lifting you up? It might sound a bit harsh at first, but it's really about taking control of your own happiness. 

If you're in a situation that isn't making you happy or helping you grow, you've got the power to change it. It's like decluttering your closet; you wouldn't keep a pair of shoes that hurts your feet, right? Same goes for people and jobs. It's all about making room for the good stuff by letting go of what's not serving you.

The Real Reasons:

When you really think about it, the reasons we keep energy drainers around often lack depth. Typically, it boils down to two things: the fear of uncomfortable conversations and the fear of not being liked. These are arguably among the hardest challenges to face in life.

Let's say you've got someone in your life that's just constantly draining your energy. When you really sit down and think about why you haven't made a change, it often comes down to not wanting to have that uncomfortable conversation or worrying about being liked, right? 

Facing the fear of confrontation or the worry about not being liked is tough, no doubt. It's like stepping onto a stage for the first time, heart racing, palms sweaty. But remember, it's these moments, as daunting as they are, that pave the way for a happier, healthier you. It's about embracing the discomfort for a bit, knowing that on the other side, there's a lighter, more energized you waiting.

Uncomfortable Conversations:

Having uncomfortable conversations is daunting, yet it's a catalyst for exponential personal growth. Similarly, embracing the possibility that not everyone will like you can significantly expand your life. The truth is, no matter what you do, some people will adore you, others won't stand you, and most of the world won't even know you exist. So why worry about it?

Imagine you're standing at the edge of a high dive, looking down at the water below. The thought of jumping is scary, right? That's a bit like having those tough conversations or accepting that not everyone will like you. It feels daunting. 

But just like taking that leap can teach you about your own bravery and strength, facing these fears head-on can lead to huge personal growth. Think of it this way: some people will be down there in the water cheering when you make the jump, some might not even glance up, and honestly, most people won't even be at the pool. 

But that jump? It's not for them; it's for you. Worrying too much about what others think can hold you back from truly living. Once you embrace that, your life can open up in ways you never imagined.

The Historical Context:

Where do these fears come from? 

Historically, speaking your truth could lead to dire consequences, such as being killed or ostracized. This fear has been ingrained in us over ages. However, in today's world, having the courage to speak up is a testament to your strength and leadership.

Back in the day, standing up and speaking your truth could literally mean putting your life on the line. You could end up being cast out by your tribe or, even worse, facing a death sentence. 

This kind of fear has been burned into our DNA through thousands of years of human history. But here's the twist—today, voicing your opinions, your beliefs, and your truth is actually a badge of honour. 

It shows you're strong, you're a leader, and you're not afraid to stand for what's right, even if it means standing alone. Sure, the fear of judgment or rejection might still niggle at the back of your mind, but remember, every time you speak up, you're not just advocating for yourself; you're paving the way for others to do the same. 

It's a whole new world out there, and your voice is more powerful than you think.

Learning the Skill:

Yes, engaging in these difficult conversations is a skill—one that you can learn and improve with practice. As a leader, it's essential to be willing to have these discussions, even if you fumble through your first few attempts. The real learning and validation come in the moment of conversation, regardless of the outcome.

At first, you might not get it right. Your words might jumble, your thoughts scatter. But here's the thing—each time you step into one of those discussions, you're levelling up your leadership skills. 

It's not about nailing it perfectly right out of the gate; it's about being brave enough to try, to fumble, and then to get back up and do it again. The real magic happens in the moment of conversation, learning from the experience, not just the outcome. 

So, give yourself the grace to be imperfect and the space to grow. With practice, you'll find these conversations becoming a powerful tool in your leadership toolbox.

The Power of Vulnerability:

Embracing vulnerability is a cornerstone of effective leadership. When you open yourself up to the possibility of rejection or criticism, you also open yourself up to deeper connections and authenticity. This vulnerability is not a weakness but a profound strength that can transform your leadership and your life.

Yes, there's a risk someone might not get it, might even reject it. But more often than not, you'll find people respect authenticity. This act of courage, of showing your true self, doesn't just change how others see you; it transforms how you see yourself. Vulnerability can make your leadership truly impactful.

The Role of Self-Care:

In navigating relationships with energy drainers, self-care becomes non-negotiable. Establishing boundaries is a form of self-respect and a declaration of your worth. Remember, you teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.

That's where self-care and setting boundaries come in. It's not just about saying "no" or drawing a line in the sand; it's about affirming to yourself and everyone else that your well-being is priority number one. You're essentially teaching people the rules of engagement with you—what's okay, what's not, and how you expect to be treated.

 And in doing so, you're not only protecting your energy but also reinforcing your worth. It's a clear declaration that you value yourself enough to guard the quality of your life.

The Importance of Community:

Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can provide the strength and perspective needed to make tough decisions about the people in your life. A community of like-minded people can offer encouragement, wisdom, and the reminder that you're not alone in your journey.

Having a group of friends or a community around you, people who get it, it's like having a personal cheer squad or a wise council all rolled into one. They're there to lift you up, to share their own stories, and to remind you that you're not trekking this path solo. 

This support network can be a game-changer. Their encouragement and shared wisdom can give you that nudge you need to make decisions that are right for you, reinforcing the idea that, yes, you do have the strength to choose who gets to be a part of your life. And just knowing you have that kind of backing can make all the difference in the world.

Conclusion:

Dealing with energy drainers is a complex but essential aspect of leadership and personal growth. By challenging the status quo, embracing uncomfortable conversations, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a life filled with meaningful relationships that energize rather than deplete you. 

Remember, as a leader, you have the power to shape your environment and influence those around you in positive, transformative ways.

Thank you for tuning in to "Women Leaders Unlimited." Join us next time as we continue to explore the challenges and triumphs of women in leadership. Together, we're unlimited.

I hope you found this episode insightful and valuable. Please share it with your fellow women leaders who might benefit from these insights. 

Remember: You are powerful and unstoppable and it’s time for you to show it! 

Choose to be the best version of yourself today!

It’s all up to you!