18: How to overcome the fear of not being liked

Is it possible to be a successful leader without being liked by everyone?

Absolutely. Success as a leader is measured by your ability to inspire, motivate, and guide your team towards achieving common goals, not by universal likability.

"What if they don't like me?" It's a question that haunts many, especially women leaders who navigate the tightrope of professional expectations and personal authenticity. This fear can be paralyzing, affecting your decisions, actions, and ultimately, your potential to lead effectively.

Every leader at some point faces the fear of not being liked. It's a general challenge, but for women leaders, the stakes often feel higher. In this episode, we'll explore how successful leaders navigate this fear, transforming it into a tool for empowerment and connection.

Find the full transcript for this episode and other resources for women leaders at womenleadersunlimited.com/18.

Juanita is a Professional and Personal Mentor for Women Leaders.

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Transcript

The fear of not being liked is a real leadership challenge.

In the land of leadership, the fear of not being liked looms large. It's a concern that can hamper bold decisions, authentic communication, and ultimately, undermine your effectiveness.

I've seen firsthand how this fear can be both a barrier and a gateway to profound leadership transformation.

Imagine you're leading a team, and there's a big, bold move you believe could push your project to new heights. But here's the hitch – it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. You pause, the worry creeps in: "What if my team doesn't like it? What if they don't like me for making this call?" This is where the fear of not being liked parks itself right at your leadership doorstep.

The fear of not being liked is like the wind pushing against you, whispering, "Don't do it, they might resent you." But here's the twist: that very fear, that pushback, is your moment of transformation waiting to happen.

Taking that step, making the bold decision despite the fear, not only shows courage but also authentic leadership. It's about saying, "I'm here to do what's best for us, even if it's not the easiest path to take." Yes, it's scary. Yes, you might face pushback. 

But in my experience, if you embrace this, communicate openly and stand by your convictions, you not only overcome your fear but also inspire those around you to embrace change.

In essence, the fear of not being liked is a challenging gatekeeper. But once you're willing to face it and push through, it becomes the gateway to a new level of leadership – one that's bold, authentic, and transformational. 

It's about shifting from worrying about being liked to focusing on being respected for making tough, visionary decisions. That's the journey I guide my clients through, and it's a path to unlocking true leadership potential.

Understanding the Fear of Not Being Liked

This is where the psychology kicks in. It's not just about the decision itself; it's about this human need we all have for connection and acceptance. We all want to feel part of the group, to be seen as approachable and understanding. For women leaders, this scenario can feel even more intensified. There's often this unspoken expectation to not only lead but to do so in a way that's never too rough around the edges – to find that perfect balance between being decisive and not upsetting the apple cart too much.

Recognizing that you're not alone in feeling this way – that it's a shared experience among many leaders – is incredibly freeing. 

Understanding this fear doesn't mean you immediately overcome it. But it's a crucial first step. It's about acknowledging, "Okay, this is why I'm hesitating. It's not just me being unsure; it's this natural desire for acceptance playing out." From there, it becomes easier to work through these feelings. It's about transitioning from a place of fear to one of confidence in your decisions, knowing that being respected for your leadership is just as valuable as being liked. This shift doesn't happen overnight, but recognizing the root of the fear is the beginning of that journey.

Real Stories of Successful Leaders

Through the journeys of women leaders who've stood at the wheel of industries, we learn valuable lessons. These stories highlight the transformative power of turning fear into a source of strength and motivation. By acknowledging their fears and pushing beyond them, these leaders have paved the way for a more inclusive and authentic leadership model.

Inspiration is all around us. From historical figures like Eleanor Roosevelt, who led with grace amidst criticism, to contemporary leaders who embody strength and authenticity. These stories aren't just tales of success; they're reminders of the power of overcoming fears and leading with courage.

One thing they all have in common is that instead of letting fear paralyze her, she flips the script. She uses that fear as a nudge, a push to prove to herself (and, by extension, to others) that she's more than capable. 

It's not about ignoring the fear but about acknowledging it and saying, "Yes, you're there, but so am I." This mindset shift doesn't erase the fear, but it transforms it into a source of strength, a constant reminder of why she's pushing forward.

These stories, these journeys of women who've navigated through their fears to lead with authenticity and inclusivity, are not just inspiring. They lay down the blueprint for a new kind of leadership model. One that says leadership isn't about being fearless; it's about facing your fears head-on and not letting them hold you back. It's about being true to yourself, standing firm in your values, and leading in a way that brings others along with you.

Real power lies in turning what scares us into our biggest motivator. It's a lesson in leadership that goes beyond gender, encouraging every leader to embrace their vulnerabilities as strengths. This approach not only paves the way for more inclusive environments but also fosters a leadership style that's genuine, resilient, and, most importantly, human.

Strategies for Overcoming Fear

Imagine you're leading a team meeting. You've got a new strategy you believe in, but it's a bit unconventional. Now, there's a part of you worried about how it'll be received. Will your team doubt your judgment? Will they like you less for making a bold move?

This is where the magic of authenticity comes into play. Instead of putting on a façade of unwavering confidence, you choose to be open about your thought process. You share your excitement for the strategy's potential, but also your awareness of its risks. This vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness; rather, it's a bridge, inviting your team into your world, showing them it's okay to have uncertainties. This level of honesty fosters a deeper connection and trust. Your team doesn't just see a leader; they see a human being; one they can rally behind.

Now, feedback is the next piece of the puzzle. Let's say some of your team members have concerns. Instead of viewing their feedback as criticism or a hit to your likability, see it as a goldmine for growth. Engage with it, ask questions, and show you value their input. This isn't just about making the strategy better; it's about showing your team that their voice matters. It demonstrates resilience, an ability to take feedback constructively, not as a personal critique.  but as a stepping stone for improvement.

In essence, overcoming the fear of not being liked isn't about becoming indifferent to others' opinions. It's about being so genuinely yourself that you invite others to connect with you on a deeper level. It's about showing vulnerability as a strength, a testament to your courage to be seen as you are. And it's about embracing feedback, not as a threat, but as an opportunity to grow and evolve. This approach doesn't just diminish the fear of not being liked; it transforms leadership into an authentic, trust-building, and resilient journey.

Developing a Supportive Leadership Network

A supportive network is invaluable. Mentorship and coaching can provide guidance, perspective, and encouragement. Similarly, cultivating a culture of openness within your team encourages honest dialogue, mutual respect, and a sense of belonging, all of which mitigate the fear of not being liked.

Remember that a supportive network isn't just nice to have; it's essential. It's the compass that helps you navigate, the crew that rows with you, and the culture that makes everyone feel like they belong to something greater. Together, these elements mitigate the fear of not being liked, transforming it into a journey of growth, connection, and shared purpose.

Leveraging Your Unique Leadership Style (is all about…

Understanding and embracing your unique leadership style is empowering. It's about recognizing your strengths, preferences, and the value you bring to your role. Authenticity in leadership fosters genuine connections and inspires others to follow your lead.

As a leader in any field, understanding your unique strengths and how you prefer to lead is crucial. Maybe you're great at strategic thinking, or perhaps your strength lies in empathetic leadership and building strong relationships. Whatever your style, embracing it fully is empowering. It allows you to lead authentically, fostering genuine connections with your team and inspiring them to follow not just because they have to but because they're genuinely inspired to be part of the vision you're creating together.

The Journey to Self-Acceptance and Confidence

The path to fearless leadership involves celebrating your successes and learning from failures. It's a journey of self-acceptance, recognizing that seeking approval from everyone is an impossible and unnecessary goal. Confidence comes from within, from knowing your worth and the value of your contributions.

It's not about never making a wrong turn; it's about knowing that you have what it takes to find your way back.

So, in your leadership journey, remember that self-acceptance and confidence aren't about reaching a destination where you're liked or approved of. 

Instead, they come from embracing the whole your journey, the highs, and the lows, and recognizing the unique value you bring to the ride.

Embracing your leadership journey

Embracing your leadership journey, fear and all, is perhaps the most courageous thing you can do. It's about acknowledging your fears but not letting them define you. 

Remember, leadership is a journey of growth, learning, and becoming the best version of ourselves. And guess what? You're doing an incredible job. 

Keep leading, keep shining, and let's transform the narrative together. Here's to overcoming the fear of not being liked and stepping into our power as women leaders, unlimited.

I hope you found this episode insightful and valuable. Please share it with your fellow women leaders who might benefit from these insights. 

Remember: You are powerful and unstoppable and it’s time for you to show it! 

Choose to be the best version of yourself today!

It’s all up to you!